Disclaimer: Any mention of mental health is personal and not meant to be taken as medical advice. Seek out professional help if you feel it is something that can help you.
Talk about a punch to the gut! I heard this phrase in an Instagram Reel and it has been my mantra ever since: “every day you wake up with two choices, evolve or repeat. Which one did you choose today?” Do I follow it every day? No. Do I actively try to implement it in my life on a daily basis? Yes. And that alone is me evolving.
So what does it mean to evolve? Quite literally it means to develop gradually! What does that mean to me? I guess my interpretation of it is to take one aspect of my life and find an improvement that works for me and then implement it into my life.
But what if the change doesn’t work? What if I forget about it the next day? What if I fail?
That’s the beauty of it. You’re supposed to fail. Because gradual growth is what allows us to evolve. For me the most poignant things I’ve focused on are patience and positivity. Patience for myself and others, and positivity rather than negativity/pessimism. I can almost hear the backlash of thoughts from people saying things like “toxic positivity is bad!” and “you can’t just change your thoughts!” or “I don’t have time for patience and evolving – there’s too much to do!”
I get it. I do. I was there in those head spaces not that long ago. I also get that mind work and thought work can be next to impossible for those of us who have experienced trauma, or those with neurological inabilities to change the way they think! I would like to put aside those voices for a second, and focus on my journey and how I have decided to evolve and not repeat.
At least once a day I say that phrase to myself; and what I mean by it is don’t repeat the same mistake you did yesterday when, for example, you flipped off a driver for cutting you off. Instead take a breath, release the anger, and keep driving.
It can be that simple! Or I can take it a few steps further: take a breath, release the anger, ask yourself why are you angry in this moment? Recognize my trigger, take a mental note of it to reflect on it at a later time, then practice a little empathy for the other driver and yourself. They could be having a worse day than you, and my action could only fuel their anger. Now empathize with yourself: you’re feeling angry and frustrated – don’t beat yourself up for that, sit with the emotion and love on yourself because you too were having a bad day.
At a later time I will come back to thinking about what triggered me. I may or may not come up with an answer, but I have given myself the room to explore this rather than shutting it down and letting it fester, which I do all the time; it’s a symptom of my trauma. If I can recognize the trigger then I try to give myself a simple solution for it. As simple as breathing, and visualizing it leaving my body.
So now the next time that I feel this trigger while driving, I don’t have to go through all the steps, I just breathe and release. Now I have “evolved.”
Oh, but what if I forget next time and flip them off again?
Guess what? You will! I have, and that’s part of the process. Because maybe your first solution to breathe and release didn’t work – try another one. And if you’re having a hard time coming up with solutions for areas of your life that you want to work on, educate yourself. Read some scholarly articles, listen to a medical podcast, get a coach or a therapist, read a self help book … what ever it is that clicks with you and helps you along will be beneficial.
I said I focus on patience and positivity; patience for myself and others in my family. So when another person in my household loses their mind, I try not to react on impulse as I have done before – I try not to repeat. I try to evolve. Find another way, try out a different solution, and grow from that learning experience. And when my brain starts going down the black brick road of doubt/hatred/ self deprecation because I either repeated my impulsive behaviour or did something else to make me feel shame, I give myself the patience I need. For me it has been helpful to see myself as separate entities in my mind, the entity that uses logic and reasoning is the one that is working to find solutions and give myself love. While the entity that feels all these emotions is the one that needs the patience and love. For years I have allowed my emotions to control large aspects of my life. I have allowed my logical entity to run free beating up on my fragile emotional state caused by my trauma that to a point it no longer can function. This huge realization of what I have been doing to myself is why I chose these two areas to evolve in.
Of course I want to evolve in better eating habits, better physical activity habits, routines, life skills etc etc! But I feel that in order for me to be ready to take on those areas of improvement, I first have to teach myself – with the help of my therapist – empathy and patience with the part of me that was angry and hurtful towards me.
As for positivity, I have always labeled myself a pessimist; I pretty much see only bad outcomes in everything from applying to a job, to trying a new baking recipe, to setting an alarm at night to wake up early, only to talk myself out of it because “well you won’t wake up, you’ll hit snooze, so you’re going to fail!”
Failure. I could write a whole post about failure (which I probably will do!). Even when I succeed I think I will fail. So this is why I have taken it upon myself to evolve daily, in small ways, in small areas, slowly. So that when I fail, it doesn’t send me into a depression for a few days. So positivity is encouragement rather than shaming. It’s allowing mistakes to happen and embracing them. It’s telling myself once each day when I feel like a failure, “you’re doing an amazing job, keep it up.” There are so many instances of feeling negative that it’s hard for me to capsule it into a post, so maybe when I write that failure blog, I’ll be able to articulate it better. For now I am positive that this snippet of my journey is clear enough for you to understand.
Today I did the thing I had been wanting to do for MONTHS! I woke up, got dressed, left my husband and son behind (negative me wants to type here “fend for themselves” but that’s silly because I know full well they’re perfectly capable humans to enjoy a morning where I am not micromanaging every minute) and I took my dog for a walk. I put on that podcast I love and I left the house to move my body, give my mind a break from my daily negative barrage and spent time with my dog. Three things that I chose to evolve on, that have set me up for a successful day. Did I have moments of scrolling social media and feeling like a slob? Of course I did, but if I made a list at the end of today of all the good things I did, they would outweigh the bad.
So today I evolved. and I did repeat some not so great habits, but those I can maybe work on tomorrow, or the next day. What’s important is that I don’t tear myself down for it.
What’s something you would like to evolve in? My next one would be to relearn the piano!
Till next time,
Julie
This Hive 